independence is a security blanket

i love living alone

no no, hear me out
living alone is wonderful

there’s no one around
to tell me to do the dishes
or make the bed
or vacuum my floor

there’s no one around
to tell me to get out of bed
or take a shower
or to actually make a damn meal

i love to live alone
because i’m “miss independent”
who “don’t need no man”
and that is the best place to be

that is the safest place to be

and then you try to be around
to see that i haven’t done the dishes
or made the bed
or vacuumed the floor

you continually re-open the door
that’s been slammed in your face
a thousand times over
each time to see
exactly how incapable i am
of holding myself up
on my own two feet

you consistently breathe life into
my suffocating veins
you offer your hands
when mine are full
you give me your legs
when i cannot stand

you show me your heart
when i feel nothing at all

and it’s confusing to me
to have someone around
who encourages my independence
and feeds into my strength
by simply offering their entire being

you offer yourself as the
collateral to my damage,
loving away my deepest fear of being
fully known and fully loved

maybe “miss independent”
is just a cover up
for “miss afraid to show weakness”
or “miss terrified of being a mess”

maybe i need to
redefine what it means
to be independent

maybe i need to
relearn what it looks like
to be strong

maybe having you around
to see those parts of me
that are ugly and hidden
won’t be so bad after all

— independence is a security blanket

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