i’m trying hard to love you

i’m trying hard to love you
the way your dark hair falls
gently against your face
the way your eyes seem green
then blue
then brown
and always shimmer as if they’re gold
like they know the prized possession they are

i’m trying hard to love you
the way your shoulders carry the hard
moments as if they’re not heavy
the way you show up for
each one of them
day after day

you always show up

i’m trying hard to love you
the way your mouth speaks intelligence
as if your lips were made of it
the way your eyes burn with fury
when people are loved less than they deserve

i’m trying hard to love you
the way your curves
form the way people see you as
sexy, as if your mind was not
sexy enough, but your
mind

your mind is not hard to love
loving your mind is like
loving the warmth of the
sun as it rises, and
loving your heart is like
loving adventure or puppies or
anything that brings
newness and joy

i’m trying hard to love you
and someday i’ll get there
but for every inch of beauty there is
reminders of pain, and for every
single smile there are many tears
welled up behind your eyes

and as scrutinizing as it is
i’m trying hard to love you
you are beautiful
the whole of you

— recovery is hard sometimes

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