the year i fell in love

this year i fell in love

it was the weirdest experience

i was always the most
afraid of falling in love

and it was nothing like i expected

it wasn’t butterflies
it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows
it wasn’t just a bunch of laughs

okay, there might have been some laughs

this year i fell in love
but it was more like
tears in the truck
drives around the river
hyperventilating and being
absolutely sure that you were
right next to me to hold my hand

this year i fell in love

it wasn’t the bright eyes and the
way you make fun of me and the
smiles that seem inevitable
when you’re in the room

this year i fell in love
but it was more like
kisses in the middle of the sidewalk
high fives in the bar over news headlines
endless laughter in the middle of the night

i fell in love with
little moments
with kind gestures
with gentle touches

with the way your eyes look
straight into mine
with the way they smile when
your lips do
with the way you just look
over at me until i
begin to show how
uncomfortable i feel

and for those brief moments
affection bursts out of my heart
because i fell in love with moments

i fell in love with moments
because i fell in love with me

i fell in love with the way
i finally let myself deserve affection
with the way i finally allowed myself
to experience true gentleness
i fell in love with the way i’ve
finally learned to truly laugh

i fell in love with my
authenticity, with my
gentleness, with my heart

i’m not sure if i’ll ever
fall in love with someone

i still am not fully sure what that means

but i’ll always be in love with me
and my life
and my world
and the people in it

this year i was looking for
healing
joy
freshness

and i think i found all of it

i found it buried in love
a love unlike i have ever known
a love that encouraged me in my dreams
pushed me to pursue goals
and cheered me on to achieve them

it was a love that allowed me to
gain friendships that are meaningful
friendships i deserve

a love that set boundaries
and kept to them

2019 was full of darkness
but i fell in love with the moon
it was full of overcast days
but i fell in love with the rain

i’m not sure what the next
decade has in store for me

but if there’s darkness,
let the moon be bright
if there’s clouds
let it rain

let there be joy
let there be romance
let there be more love
than i could ever imagine

may you fall in love
this next year
may you love yourself more
than you ever imagined
and may you know you
deserve all the love in the world

life’s just too short
to keep yourself from
falling in love

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