picture this: the worst thing imaginable happens. your grandparent dies, your boyfriend breaks up with you, someone leaves you feeling violated to your core. and it changes you.
and that’s going to happen. it’s going to change you. life experiences change you. so you tell yourself it’s okay that it changes you. it’s okay that it affects you. it’s okay to adjust.
but for how long? and when do you move on? and how much taking care of yourself is enough before it’s no longer taking care of yourself but now just holding you back? (these are questions i’ve been asking my therapist for two years now.)
so you start to tell yourself a story. a justification for why you can’t function the same, or why you don’t have it in you to experience life the same way, or why you’ve changed.
and a lot of times, that story is true.
but that story doesn’t see the future. that story is always based on the present moment, the right now. our stories don’t see tomorrow. they don’t live in spaces that see growth.
after my trauma, i had such a hard time seeing anything beyond right now. i couldn’t see anything that wasn’t directly in front of me. and in some ways, that started long before my trauma, but it definitely was rooted in the mental health symptoms that were greatly exacerbated by trauma. (that’s a thing, and believe me, it sucks ass.) it was so tough making decisions based upon what i wanted in my future when i was so concentrated on making it through today.
and honestly, i don’t blame myself at all for that. you have to make it through today before you focus on tomorrow. it’s important, but it’s no way to make a life.
working through your limiting beliefs can be the toughest thing at times. our limiting beliefs, these stories we tell ourselves, they are actually just a defense mechanism. they’re our egos telling us that we have to be the way we are because that’s the way we are.
welcome everything that comes into your life // when you sit and focus on the negative things in your life, you are calling negative energy into your life. whatever happens to you, good or bad, it’s all good. it’s the way you needed to grow, it’s what makes you who you are, and it formed and molded your heart to create your kindness and gentleness and resilience. whatever happens to you, good or bad, it’s all good. the goodness is already at the door; you just have to invite it inside.
always do your best // whenever you’re doing your best, whenever you’re showing up, you are always doing everything you can. you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, you don’t have to fear failure. you can only give what you have, and what you have will always be enough.
the only way out is through // every time you’re stressed, every time you’re anxious, every time you’re overwhelmed by the things in your life, allow yourself to feel it all. you won’t get out of the woods if you stop in the middle of it. so keep hiking – that’s the only way to learn the way out.
be your own best friend // this is something i am extra grateful i learned early on. self care is so vital to growth, but learning what you need is equally as important. so i started to ask myself, what does my ideal best friend look like? i knew i needed someone patient, kind, someone who loves themselves a hell of a lot, and someone willing to wait through all my bullshit til i arrive at my destination. (if anyone has ever walked alongside me as i make decisions or do big things, you’ll know what i mean – i can truly justify the dumbest things if i want to.) but when i knew what i needed from my ideal best friend, i started to realize that those were the exact areas of my life that i wasn’t giving myself enough love and grace. when i needed a friend to be patient with me as i walk through my bullshit? that’s when i needed to give myself that extra grace i felt like i needed. i also learned that when i wanted a friend to get my nails done with, or go to dinner with, or travel with, that i could probably go by myself and still enjoy it. (ps – i always do.) and guess what? after all the work i did to learn how to be my own best friend, the universe basically handed me the exact friend i was looking for. (finding your people is the best, i promise.)
ditch your drama // don’t allow your shit to control you. the victim mentality truly helps no one, and it keeps you from accomplishing the things you need to. and it’s so hard to find a line between allowing yourself to work through your shit and to not let it control your life forever. this one truly can take time, but when you find moments of fresh air amid the smoke, cling tightly my friends. breathe it all in, and fight like hell to stay there. the longer you sit in your shit, the more you smell. so get up, dust yourself off, and quit fighting with your trauma. that gives it too much undeserving attention, anyways.
comparison is the thief of joy // quit comparing yourself to the people around you. it takes away any ounce of joy you have – and believe me, that shit’s something you need. but when you tell yourself she has better hair than you, you’re saying your hair isn’t good enough. when you tell yourself the skinny girl in bio will always date cuter boys than you, you’re just telling yourself you’re not pretty enough. except you are enough. you’re pretty enough, smart enough, bold enough, strong enough, fun enough, wild enough, good enough, you are enough. don’t let comparison take your joy. you need it.
our limiting beliefs were created to keep us safe, but safety is not where growth lives. a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships were made for. and it’s not what you were made for either. safety isn’t for you. it isn’t a place of growth. quit doubting yourself – you were made for so much more.